Coming Home Through a Different Doorway

Reflections from Spain, Queer Escape & Reboot, and What Comes Next

I’m writing this from Valencia, at the end of nearly three weeks in Spain.

This evening I’ll take the train back to Barcelona, and Monday morning I begin the journey home to Florida.

And I keep returning to one simple feeling:

Gratitude.

Gratitude for the places I’ve seen.

For the people I’ve met.

For the meals, beaches, trains, unexpected conversations and moments of wonder.

Gratitude for traveling alone.

Gratitude for six men who said yes to something that, until recently, existed mostly as an idea in my heart and pages in a workbook.

And gratitude that I trusted myself enough to come here and see what might happen.

Traveling Alone — But Not Really Alone

There is something powerful about solo travel.

You get to decide when to wander and when to stop. You learn which streets you’re curious enough to walk down without knowing where they lead. You sit at tables by yourself. You navigate unfamiliar train stations. You occasionally get lost.

And somewhere along the way, you begin listening differently.

Spain gave me plenty of opportunities for that.

Barcelona brought energy, curiosity and possibility. The countryside offered stillness. Sitges brought freedom, playfulness and queer community. Valencia has given me space to exhale and begin integrating everything that happened before returning home.

Travel reminded me that we don’t always need to know exactly where we are going.

Sometimes we simply need to recognize the doorway in front of us—and be willing to walk through it.

That lesson became even more meaningful during Queer Escape & Reboot.

Six Men. Seven Doorways. One Experiment in Trust.

When I began imagining Queer Escape & Reboot, I knew I wanted to create something different.

Not a vacation disguised as a retreat.

Not seven days packed with workshops and activities.

And definitely not an experience where I stood in front of a room pretending to have all the answers.

I wanted to create a container where gay, bi and queer men could step away from their everyday lives long enough to hear themselves again.

Six men trusted me enough to come to Spain and explore that possibility.

We began in the countryside at Terra Rosa, surrounded by nature and removed from many of the distractions of everyday life.

We breathed.

We meditated.

We explored our bodies and the stories they carry.

We laughed.

We shared meals.

We sat together in vulnerability.

We experienced moments of emotion, insight, connection and release.

And through it all, we explored The Seven Doorways:

Stillness.

Remembering.

Letting Go.

Knowing.

Becoming.

Expansion.

Giving.

What became clear very quickly was that the Doorways weren't something I needed to teach.

Each man began discovering which doorway was already calling him.

For one, it was the discomfort of Stillness.

For another, Letting Go.

For another, Becoming.

For another, Giving.

The framework simply gave us language for conversations and experiences that were already waiting to happen.

That may have been one of my greatest lessons as a facilitator.

I didn't need to manufacture transformation.

I needed to create enough safety, intention and spaciousness for people to encounter themselves.

From Retreat to Freedom

After several days together in the countryside, we traveled to Sitges.

And the energy changed.

There was more freedom.

More exploration.

More play.

More choice.

People could spend time together or wander off on their own. Go to the beach. Explore town. Rest. Exercise. Eat. Talk. Laugh. Or simply disappear for a few hours and follow whatever called them.

That freedom became part of the retreat too.

Because healing and growth don't only happen while sitting in circles or lying on a mat doing breathwork.

Sometimes growth looks like allowing yourself to play.

Sometimes it looks like taking your shirt off.

Sometimes it looks like being seen.

Sometimes it looks like saying no.

Sometimes it looks like saying yes.

Sometimes it looks like realizing you don't need anyone else's permission at all.

On our final evening together, we gathered organically for our closing circle.

We reflected on the previous seven days, arrived back in the present moment, and considered the people we were becoming as we prepared to return home.

There were emotions.

There was laughter.

There was gratitude.

And there was love.

Then the next morning, everyone began heading toward whatever came next.

As retreats eventually must.

The Doorways Don't Close When the Retreat Ends

That has stayed with me during these final days traveling alone.

The Seven Doorways were never intended to be seven steps toward becoming a better person.

There isn't a finish line.

We move through these Doorways again and again throughout our lives.

Sometimes we need Stillness.

Sometimes something needs to be Remembered.

Sometimes we're being asked to Let Go.

Sometimes we already Know.

Sometimes we're Becoming someone we haven't fully met yet.

Sometimes life asks us to Expand.

And eventually, what we've experienced becomes something we can Give.

Perhaps that's the doorway I'm standing in now.

Because Spain gave me much more than a successful retreat.

It gave me confirmation.

Confirmation that the work I've been cultivating—breathwork, meditation, embodiment, sacred intimacy, coaching, connection, chosen family and the Seven Doorways—belongs together.

I don't have to squeeze it into someone else's definition of wellness.

I can continue creating the spaces I wish existed.

And that's what I'm bringing home.

September: Bringing the Work Home

When I return to St. Petersburg, I'll be opening several ways to work and connect with me.

One will be a new Men's Circle — After Hours, a small, closed weekday evening circle designed for deeper conversation, connection and exploration.

This won't be another networking group or a place where anyone has to perform.

It will be an intimate space where men can explore the things we don't always have places to talk about: shame, desire, fear, body image, intimacy, loneliness, freedom, sexuality, aging, relationships, change, what's keeping us boxed in—and what might be waiting on the other side.

I'll also be expanding Chosen Family Wellness Services, offering personalized companionship, wellness and life support for gay, bi and queer men who value having someone in their corner—not simply a provider, but consistent chosen-family-style support.

My individual work will continue as well, including Tantra Touch and sacred intimacy sessions, breathwork, guided meditation, embodiment, coaching and personalized wellness experiences.

And I'll continue creating opportunities to experience breathwork locally, both individually and in community.

Some people may want a single experience.

Others may be looking for ongoing support.

Some may eventually join me for another retreat.

And some may simply be curious about which of the Seven Doorways seems to be calling them right now.

All of those are welcome.

Which Doorway Is Calling You?

As I prepare to leave Spain, I find myself thinking less about what I'm leaving behind and more about what I'm carrying home.

The retreat is over.

The workbook has fingerprints in it now.

The Doorways have stories attached to them.

Six men carried their own experiences back into their lives.

And I am returning home changed by the experience too.

Maybe that's what travel can do.

Maybe that's what retreat can do.

Maybe that's what happens anytime we're brave enough to leave the familiar for a little while.

We don't necessarily come back as someone completely different.

We simply come back having remembered a little more of who we already are.

I'll be back in St. Petersburg in September and opening my calendar for Men's Circle — After Hours, Chosen Family Wellness Services, individual Tantra Touch and wellness sessions, breathwork experiences and other ways of exploring this work together.

If something you've read here stirred curiosity, recognition or even a little discomfort, pay attention to it.

There may be a doorway there.

You don't have to know what's waiting on the other side.

Sometimes you just have to be willing to open it.

Chad Putman, MSW

Make Your It Happen

Creator of The Seven Doorways & Queer Escape & Reboot