The Doors We Never Open, but could…

Every doorway I was afraid to open held something I desperately needed. Not perfection.

Not certainty. But rather, another piece of myself waiting to be welcomed home.

What doors remain locked in your life because fear has convinced you not to open them?

Some doors are locked by circumstance. Others are locked by shame.

And many of the most important doors in our lives remain closed because someone else told us only pain, suffering and loss waited for us if we ever dared to walk through them.

For me, one of those doors was sexuality.

Growing up, I didn't learn that my sexuality was something to understand or explore. I learned it was something to hide, ignore, and feel shame about. I learned that sex belonged behind closed doors. That my body was dangerous and imperfect. That pleasure was selfish. That curiosity was sinful. That desire was something to suppress rather than something to understand.

No one ever said those exact words. They didn't have to. They were woven into silence, religion, culture, family, community, and the unspoken rules of growing up.

So I learned to keep the doors closed or never walk through them.

Like many gay men of my generation, I became an expert at living in separate rooms. One room contained the person everyone expected me to be. Another held my fantasies. Another held my shame. Another held my loneliness. And another contained a version of myself I wasn't even sure deserved to exist.

I thought those rooms kept me safe. Instead, they kept me divided and hidden.

It wasn't until years later and the journey of my soul—through addiction and recovery, therapy and awareness, connecting with my body and breathwork, sex and intimacy, and the willingness to stumble and fall and ask some difficult questions—that I realized something profound.

My sexuality was never the destination. Neither was intimacy. Neither was my body.

They were all doorways.

Every meaningful experience became an invitation to know myself more deeply. Recovery became a doorway into honesty. Breathwork and my body became a doorway to release emotion and connect with spirit. Intimacy became a doorway into vulnerability instead of performance. My relationships became mirrors showing me where I still abandoned myself.

Every mistake became a teacher.

Every doorway I was afraid to open held something I desperately needed. Not perfection.

Not certainty. But rather, another piece of myself waiting to be welcomed home.

Today, when I work with gay, bi, and queer men, we rarely begin by talking about sexuality.

Instead, we explore the doors that are no longer serving us and the doors we desire to open.

The door to grief and loss. The door to forgiveness and compassion. The door to pleasure and mystery. The door to receiving and truly being seen. The door to setting boundaries and expressing ones desires. The door to vulnerability and guidance. The door to being worthy without having to earn it, perform or change.

These are rarely just conversations but doors we embody.

Our relationship with our bodies often reflects our relationship with ourselves.

Our intimacy mirrors our capacity for trust.

Our fears often point directly toward the life we're longing to live.

The question isn't whether you're ready to have better sex or be in a relationship.

The deeper question is: What doorway has been quietly waiting for you your entire life?

Maybe it's the doorway to authenticity. Maybe it's the doorway to recovery. Maybe it's leaving a relationship. Maybe it's exploring who you are outside of the roles that you play. Maybe it's finally saying yes to the dream you've been postponing because you were too scared or someone convinced you it was impossible.

The doorway will look different for each of us.

But I've learned something recently…

Fear is often the energy that surrounds the doors that teach us the most.

Fear hides the key and distracts us.

Unlocking and opening the doors that scare us the most doesn't require tearing your whole life apart. Sometimes it begins by placing your hand on a doorknob, feeling fear, breathing, connecting with your spirit and walking through.

A doorway encountered with courage may lead you through an experience that helps to forge the next beautiful and imperfect version of yourself.

Chad Putman, holds a professional background in social work, with years of experience in clinical work, program development, and leadership within the addiction treatment and recovery field.

Breathwork and Tantra: He has studied under seasoned tantric and energy gurus and offers individual services like Intimacy Coaching and Tantra Touch, which incorporate grounding, breathwork, and guided meditation.

Queer-Inclusive Retreats: He has led and co-facilitated group massage, kink, and "sacred temple" workshops, and his offerings include a queer-inclusive international retreats.

Approach: His background and empathic nature create a supportive, affirming, and safe environment for insight, growth, and healing, with an intentional focus on personal discovery.